These days everything weddings is about customization, but what does that mean for your ceremony? The truth is, that question can have many different answers depending on who you’re talking to. There is no right or wrong answer, but there are varying approaches, so it is important to understand what your options are.
One officiant, for example, may offer a customized ceremony where you can choose among a few paragraphs for the opening of the ceremony, a few readings, a few vow options, and a choice of two unity rituals. Other officiants may allow/expect you to write significant parts of the ceremony yourselves, and consider it a custom ceremony when they present your words at the ceremony.
The training I received as a Certified Life Cycle Celebrant®, however, taught me another approach which I use with my clients. To achieve a truly custom ceremony I begin by spending a couple of hours with you to discuss all aspects of your ceremony. We chat about your vision for the processional – who you want involved, where people will enter from and where they will sit or stand. We discuss many possible options for your ceremony, and you tell me what elements you value and want to include in your ceremony. And I begin to get to know you with some questions about you as a couple, the path of your relationship, and your views on marriage.
After you each return a questionnaire I provide, I have more information about you, and I use that, along with the ceremony outline we created at our meeting and the information you shared there, to create the first draft of your wedding ceremony. It will be focused on you as a couple and will include snippets of your story. It may also include options for a reading based on what I’ve learned about you as a couple, and wording for possible ceremony elements you wished to see. And then the fun really begins.
I send you the ceremony draft, and you are welcome to change, add, delete or request anything you wish. We work collaboratively in this manner until you approve the ceremony script. And that’s what you’ll hear on your wedding day. You can be confident that I won’t go off on a tangent, won’t say something that will offend your guests, or pressure them in any way. You will know that you and the commitment you are making to each other in marriage are represented in a manner that is authentic and comfortable for you.
So when you are considering celebrants and officiants who offer “custom ceremonies” it’s wise to learn exactly what that means before selecting one to officiate at your ceremony. Make sure that you’re comfortable with each other and that you understand what you’re getting with a “custom ceremony”. I am always happy to schedule a no cost, no obligation, initial consultation meeting with couples interested in exploring what your custom ceremony can be.