There’s an old saying that a wedding day is the bride’s day. I prefer to say that it is the couple’s day, but I also encourage couples to consider that their wedding day is special to many other people, too.
Parents come to mind first, and can also be the most challenging to deal with. We’ve all heard the stories of the overbearing parents who inflict their opinions on the couple and try to make the wedding day fit their image of perfection. While it is critical that you, as a couple, maintain control of your day, it is helpful to realize that this is also a very important day for your parents. Your wedding day marks a transition for you all. No longer will your first loyalty and focus be to your parents and the nuclear family you were raised in, it will be to your spouse and the family you create together. It is one more expression of the independent life you’ve established for yourself. For these reasons there is a lot of parental emotion tied up in your wedding day – from pride and love, to uncertainty and sadness for the passing of an era. Understanding and appreciating this can allow you to have respectful conversations with your parents, to hear their wishes, and to respond in a kind way while remaining true to your own vision for your day.
Children from prior relationships can also have strong feelings about your wedding day, and those feelings may not always be positive. If they are close to their other parent, their feelings can be ambivalent or conflicted. For this reason I suggest that you not ask your children to speak at your wedding ceremony, unless they are adults and can asure you that they wish to do so. Participating in a ritual, or even just being in attendance may be all they feel comfortable doing. Recognizing how your wedding is affecting your children and working to make them comfortable is essential to starting your blended family off on a positive note.
And last but not least, please realize that all your guests are invested in your wedding day, too. They think enough of you to attend. They may have traveled long distances, incurred significant costs, used vacation time, or made child care arrangements to share in your special day. You are the hosts as well as the honorees at your wedding, so you’ll want to acknowledge and welcome your guests, and make an effort to engage with them throughout the day.
Weddings are wonderful days, but they take a lot of effort to plan and carry off well. While they are in some ways all about you as a couple, your day will be happier, richer and more memorable if you remember and consider all the people who will be sharing your day and celebrating with you.