wedding guests

Dealing with Crazy Relatives

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony problems / wedding guests / wedding officiant / weddings by

Dealing with crazy relatives at your wedding ceremony can be a challenge. A variety of situations can occur at your wedding ceremony that need diplomatic solutions to keep everything moving forward smoothly.

Before the ceremony even begins, logistical issues can arise. When lining up the wedding party before one ceremony, the bride became flustered when she noticed that the seats reserved for her parents were occupied. An aunt was sitting in one of the seats, next to the grandfather’s wheelchair. With the bride’s concurrence, I approached the woman and politely asked her to move down the row, as these two seats were reserved for the bride’s parents.

Her response surprised me. She said they could take other open seats; that she was assisting the grandfather. I told her the bride’s mother (also the grandfather’s daughter) would be sitting there in just a moment. I suggested she move either further down the first row, or to the second row with her adult children. Then, I quietly stood there. After a few moments she moved further down the row. I returned to check in with the bride, and then started the ceremony. Having ushers who can either seat guests or oversee the seating of guests could have prevented this situation.

Cameras and phones can also prove troublesome in the wrong hands. At another wedding, an aunt of the groom stepped into the aisle to catch pictures of the bride as she entered. She didn’t realize (I hope) that she stepped directly in front of the professional photographer who was also trying to capture that image. These moments happen so quickly during a ceremony that it is difficult for photographers to relocate for an unobstructed view. To prevent dealing with crazy relatives like this one, I can request that guests put their phones and cameras away for the ceremony so they can be fully present with the couple. This is called an unplugged ceremony. It also ensures that any professional photos taken during the ceremony include the guests’ faces, and not a sea of upraised phones.

Dealing with crazy relatives takes some thought and preventive actions. You can’t think of everything, but some situations can be anticipated and avoided. Working with an experienced celebrant can help you consider and even react to the situations that arise unexpectedly.

Sharing Observations From an Unexpected Wedding

 in Guests / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony  tagged ushers / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by


Sharing observations from an unexpected wedding I stumbled across last weekend. A wedding took place at the resort I was visiting for a family gathering. It was a unique opportunity to observe a ceremony that I wasn’t performing. Here are some things I noted that you might want to consider for your own ceremony.

  1. Have your celebrant invite people to stand and sit at appropriate times. There was a lengthy interaction between the couple and their parents at the beginning of the ceremony. The guests were visibly shifting around, not sure if they should stand or be seated during it. Eventually the celebrant did invite people to be seated, but they would have been able to see what was happening in front if they had been seated before this ritual.
  2. Make sure your ushers know what you want them to do. This couple had four ushers which should have been more than adequate. However, they were standing around socializing before the ceremony and did not help move guests toward the seats. They also did not hold late arrivals during the processional, so a couple walked part way up the aisle between the seating of the mothers and the entrance of the wedding party.
  3. Consider allowing the women in your wedding party to select their own dresses, coordinating only by color. All seven female attendants had obviously selected their own dresses. Some were tea length, others floor length. I saw chiffon, lace, jersey, and satin, all in a peachy champagne color. The maid of honor wore a darker, almost brown velvet dress that coordinated but allowed her to stand out. Taking this approach with your attendants allows them each to feel comfortable and beautiful as they support you throughout the day.
  4. Explain any rituals or actions included in the ceremony. After the exchange of vows and rings, the couple stepped to a small table at the back of the ceremony space. I have no idea what they did there as nothing was explained and it was difficult to see. A simple introduction by the celebrant would have made this more meaningful.
  5. Help your guests know where to go/what comes next after the ceremony. Remember those ushers I mentioned above? At the end of the ceremony they remained seated in their back row instead of releasing the guests from their rows. There also as no announcement made to tell the guests where to go immediately following the ceremony. The all remained seated for a few awkward moments before some guests in the middle of the chairs stood up and started to leave the space. Others followed, but having the ushers facilitate the exit would have been pleasant for the guests.

A ceremony was not on my agenda for our family gathering last weekend. But I hope that sharing observations from an unexpected wedding will provide some food for thought as you plan your special day.

Dealing with Unruly Guests

 in Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged unruly guests / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

Dealing with unruly guests is occasionally a necessity at weddings. The need can arise from a variety of situations. Recently I became aware of an aunt who was sitting in the seats reserved for the groom’s parents. When family members suggested she move to another row of seats, she declined. I approached her and explained these seats were reserved for the parents who would be walking in at the beginning of the ceremony. She said they could sit elsewhere. I explained again and politely insisted that she move from those seats. She reluctantly moved.

Your celebrant can help in this kind of situation when it happens before the ceremony begins. Make sure you let them know where you want honored guests (parents, grandparents, etc) seated. Before the ceremony begins they can help ensure things are as you wish them to be.

Another helper in dealing with unruly guests is an usher. If you let them know who is to be seated in reserved seating, they can help ensure everyone is where you want them to be. Ushers can also handle late arriving guests. They can ensure that the late arrivals stay in the back until the processional is finished, and then help them discretely find seats. If a guest becomes disruptive during the ceremony an usher can assist them to leave the ceremony space.

Perhaps you have a family member or friend who is known to be disruptive. Perhaps they have a substance abuse issue, or are generally difficult. Asking another family member or friend to be their “buddy” for the day can help. This “minder” can stay close, and if the guest becomes loud, aggressive or disruptive, they can escort the person from the wedding.

For serious situations, you might even consider hiring professional security. I’ve had situations where an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend had caused trouble in the past. The couple was concerned they would show up and cause a disturbance at the wedding. They wanted them kept out of the venue altogether and hired security to remove that worry from their minds.

You can’t anticipate every situation that could occur when you’ve gathered a large group of family and friends. But knowing your guests and thinking through the possibilities makes dealing with unruly guests easier. Make sure to inform your wedding party, ushers, vendors, and celebrant about any concerns so we can help ensure a disruption free day for you.

Special Seating at Weddings

 in Ceremony / Guests / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning  tagged ceremony seating / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / weddings by

Special seating at weddings is usually provided for the parents and grandparents of the couple, and possibly other close family members. These seats are at the front of the ceremony space to provide the best view of the couple and the ceremony. There are a few things to consider when planning for special seating.

  1. Who do you want to have special seating for at your wedding?
    As mentioned, you’ll want to have places for parents and grandparents at a minimum. If your parents are divorced, you’ll want to make sure their new partners (if any) are seated with them. If you have siblings who are not in the wedding party, you’ll also want them to be up front in reserved spaces.

Other people you may choose to provide special seating for include: spouses/partners of members of your wedding party, godparents, and those who will offer readings during the ceremony. Make sure to allow space for escorts/partners for any of these people. Importantly, you’ll want to have a parent of any flower girls or ring bearers seated up front, along with a chair for the children to sit in during the ceremony.

How will these important people know where to sit?
Ushers can be a great help with guiding these people to the places you’ve allocated for them. Providing a list to the ushers can be helpful here, and ideally the ushers will be able to recognize these special guests. It’s also very helpful for people to be contacted ahead of time to let them know that spaces will be reserved for them and invite them to ask the ushers for assistance. The advance notification can be a task delegated to the moms, dads or siblings.

If you don’t have ushers, you’ll want to place “Reserved” signs on each row near the front, at a minimum. Consider actual seat assignments with name tags on the chairs if many people are involved, or if you’re concerned that your guests may not understand wedding etiquette. Just be careful not to use markers that will transfer to clothing if guests will be sitting or leaning against them.

  1. How will others know to avoid the special seating?
    This is what the “Reserved” signs are for, but recent experiences tell me that sometimes that isn’t enough. In one case, an aunt and grandfather sat in the seats in the front row normally reserved for the groom’s parents. They had to be asked repeatedly (and forcefully) to vacate the seats so the parents would have a place to sit after entering in the processional. In the second case, a stepfather who was seated before the processional began made it nearly impossible for the groom’s father to sit on the aisle as had been rehearsed. The stepfather had to be asked to move down the row as the processional was beginning. Thankfully, he moved and the situation was handled discretely, and no one was aware.

Special seating at weddings can be a bit tricky to coordinate, but is worth the time and effort. You want the very special people in your world to be treated warmly and respectfully. You want other guests to know where, and where not, to sit without feeling uncomfortable. And you want everyone ready to celebrate with you as the music starts, the wedding party enters, and your ceremony begins!

Simplify Your Wedding Ceremony

 in Ceremony / COVID-19 / Wedding Ceremony  tagged processional / wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding guests / wedding processional by

Simplify your wedding ceremony to gain some practical and some personal benefits. Keeping your ceremony streamlined allows you and your guests to focus on the key elements that allow you to cross the threshold into marriage. And the practical benefits can be significant.

Consider these ways to simplify your wedding ceremony and the benefits to be realized:

  1. Limit the size of your wedding party. Fewer bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, ushers and personal attendants can make it easier to coordinate everything from clothing choices to transportation to photographs. It also makes placing people for the ceremony easier.
  2. Limit the number of people in attendance. Keep your guest list to close family and friends. This opens up venue options and ceremony ritual options and makes coordination and communication easier.
  3. Within the ceremony itself, you can simplify the processional by having grandparents seated in reserved spots before the processional begins. Smaller wedding parties also allow the processional to move more quickly and keeps the focus on the main participants – you two.
  4. Keeping your ceremony shorter is another way to simplify it. Consider limiting yourself to one reading if you choose to have any. You can also choose to omit any unity ritual, unless one has significant meaning for you. Finally, if you aren’t interested in having a personal ceremony, you can opt not to include anything that shares your history or love story.

Simpler wedding ceremonies and simpler weddings in general are a bit easier to plan, will cost less, and will help you keep your focus on the important elements of the day. Last but not least, with the spectre of COVID still with us, you gain flexibility when you simplify your wedding ceremony. With fewer guests, a smaller wedding party and a simpler ceremony you’ll be positioned as best you can be should restrictions be reimposed on gatherings.