Yearly Archives: 2017

Congratulations to the Newly Engaged!

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged congratulations / newly engaged by

Congratulations to all newly engaged couples. December holidays are the most popular time of the year for couples to get engaged, so there are quite a few of you out there this week. I hope you take a little time to savor this moment, to share the happy news with your families, and to bask in the love you’ve found together.

When you begin planning your wedding day, you’ll probably start with setting a date and booking a venue. Then it’s time to start talking about what you want in your ceremony – the part of your wedding day where you cross the threshold into marriage by making promises to each other in front of the important people who have gathered to celebrate with you.

Whether you decide on a simple, informal ceremony in front of a handful of people, or a more formal and elaborate experience with a hundred or more guests, the ceremony should reflect you as a couple and should include only the elements you want. I’d be happy to speak with you about your ceremony wishes at any time.

Please explore my services on my website, check out the testimonials, and take a look at the ritual options on the Weddings page. Then contact me via an online form, email or phone, and I’ll be happy to check my availability for your date and chat with you about your ceremony wishes. And again, Congratulations on your engagement and good luck with all your wedding planning.

Warm Holiday Wishes

 in Celebration  tagged celebrations / holiday wishes by

Sending warm holiday wishes to everyone. With the Winter Solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, HumanLight, and New Years packed into the last two weeks of the year, there are plenty of holidays to choose from and to celebrate. Each holiday has its own celebrations, traditions and rituals to draw people together and create warm memories.

You may decorate your home, give and receive gifts, gather with family and friends, drink champagne and bake cookies. However you celebrate, I encourage you to take time to savor the moments, to build memories, and to cherish those close to your heart.

It is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle caused by the many extra tasks involved in holiday celebrations, but if you take the time to pause and enjoy a conversation, to take a walk on a crisp, sunny day, or even to watch an old, favorite holiday movie together you’ll make more memories and enjoy the season more.

Especially if you’re planning a 2018 wedding, this is a good opportunity to put away your lists for a few days and concentrate on sharing the holidays with your partner. Talk about your memories of treasured childhood holiday celebrations. Discuss what traditions you might want to include in your holidays as a married couple. Do a little something to let your partner that you’re thinking of them at this busy time of year – an extra hug, a special thank you, a gentle kiss will be much appreciated.

No matter which holiday you celebrate, or how you celebrate, remember that it is the people you share your celebration with that mean the most. Wishing you safe and warm holiday celebrations.

Memorial Services: An Unexpected Joy

 in Ceremony / Memorial services  tagged celebrating life / memorial service by

Memorial Services offer an unexpected joy and are an honor to participate in. I only perform a handful of memorials each year – most of my time is spent working with couples preparing for their wedding; hopefully, one of the happiest days of their lives.

Memorial services on the other hand, bring people together when they are sad and grieving the loss of a loved one or close friend. While these are undoubtedly sad occasions, with each memorial I write I am reminded of the significance and impact of each life. It has been a true honor to memorialize two very different women in recent months. The first focused her life on her family in a very traditional way. Her priorities were supporting her husband and raising her children. She was a significant and positive force in the life of her grandchildren, too. Her legacy lives on in her descendants without a doubt. But during her memorial we also spoke about her strength to come to this country as a young wife and mother who didn’t know the language or culture. The quiet leadership she provided as she passed on values and traditions and culture from her home country. The place she made for herself in the community with volunteerism and a strong group of friends. It was a joy to facilitate the sharing of all those aspects of that woman to her family and friends and help them see their mother and grandmother in yet another light.

Even more recently I helped memorialize another woman who was both very similar to and very different from the woman described above. This woman was also an immigrant to this country, and she had an incredibly close circle of friends in her town. However, she did not have children (or grandchildren, of course). And she was a professional woman, a scientist, who worked in multiple countries over the years. Her work was groundbreaking, and was documented in many scientific papers. She built and maintained friendships over many decades, and was mourned by people literally around the world when she passed. She loved her husband passionately, and her father deeply. She loved art in many forms and treasured her garden and her pets. Because many of the people who attended her memorial service had known her primarily through work, they were able to learn about her and appreciate even more the woman she was.

Two very different lives, each special and memorable in their own way. While I never knew either woman, I now carry both of them with me, knowing they each set their own path through life, and have left their mark on the world. It is through the creation and performance of their memorial services that I came to know these women, and I am changed by it. It was an honor and joy to be a small part of celebrating the lives they lived. I see the world differently because of what I’ve learned about them and how they embraced life. I hope to live life as well as they did. Rest in peace my friends, and know that you have impacted the world in ways you could never imagine.

The Lone(ly) Attendant

 in Weddings  tagged lone attendant / wedding party by

A lonely attendant is sad, but can also be destructive on your wedding day. Brides and grooms ask important people in their lives to stand with them on their wedding day. These people can be friends or relatives, and can come from different parts of their lives. But you will want to think about the dynamics of these people as a group, too, or you can find yourself with a difficult situation on your hands.

College friends, work colleagues, childhood friends, cousins and siblings are all frequent choices for your attendants, and all can work well. But be careful if all but one of your attendants come from one part of your life. For example, four of your attendants are siblings and cousins, and your fifth attendant is a friend from college. In this kind of group the friend can feel very much an outsider. The other attendants have a shared history, are comfortable with each other, and have an established dynamic. If this group does not make an extra effort to include the lone friend in activities like hosting a shower or planning the bachelor or bachelorette party, the wedding weekend can be very awkward. As the bride or groom, you will have many things pulling at you during the weekend, and will not be able to spend a lot of time with your friend. They will have to fend for themselves, and, if not welcomed by the rest of your attendants, can feel very left out and alone.

The truth is that during the wedding day there is a lot of “hurry up and wait” going on. Commonly, for example, the women meet for hair and make-up in the morning, and then wait until everyone is ready to move on. Then everyone gets dressed and waits for pictures to start. Pictures themselves involve a lot of waiting around as different groups are positioned and photographed. Then there’s more waiting for the ceremony to begin, and then a social hour before dinner. At each of these points the lone friend who is not actively included by other attendants is left standing alone on the sidelines. At best they will feel awkward and uncomfortable. At worst they will turn to alcohol to cope. It’s not a far-fetched or even unusual occurrence. At one wedding this year there was an attendant who was so inebriated by the time the wedding ceremony rolled around that they were unable to walk down the aisle and participate in the ceremony. The bride was understandably upset, but with a few quick adjustments to the processional, everything went forward smoothly – minus the drunk attendant.

There is no question that the attendant’s behavior was inappropriate. They were anxious, lonely, and unhappy. They turned to alcohol to try to feel better in the moment. It didn’t work, and it caused additional problems and stress for the wedding couple, which is really too bad. But I do have some sympathy for the lonely attendant, too. I think the best way to handle the situation would have been to either avoid it by not asking them to be in the bridal party (but maybe finding another special role for them – reader at the ceremony, for example) or by asking your other attendants to make a special effort to include the friend in the group activities throughout the weekend, or even asking one of them to be an official “buddy” to your friend.

Standing up in a wedding is expensive and time consuming as well as an honor. It should be a fun experience, too. So if you decide to have a lone attendant, help make sure that they are accepted and included by other attendants. Your efforts will help ensure a happy day for everyone without the drama and disruption I witnessed.

The Benefits of Hiring Professionals

 in Ceremony / Music / Officiant / Weddings  tagged officiant / professionals by

There are benefits to hiring professionals for your wedding day. You can ask friends and relatives to help with many tasks associated with your wedding, from making signs to creating welcome bags for out of town guests staying at hotels; from helping to address invitations to greeting guests at the ceremony. But there are some tasks that I suggest are best handled by professionals.

I will admit that I am biased, since I’m one of the professionals you can hire for your wedding day, but stay with me as I make my case. You probably have an amateur photographer among your acquaintances who could take pictures at your wedding. But they likely will not have the experience or equipment to capture all the special moments that a professional photographer would. And you can certainly ask a friend to run your recorded music for your ceremony, but do you have appropriate speakers so the music will be heard? Will that friend know when to start, stop or cycle a given song so the last part of the processional doesn’t happen in silence and you don’t have to stand awkwardly waiting for the music to finish? Professional DJs and live musicians with wedding experience can ensure there are no awkward silences or over long musical interludes.

Those are just two examples of the difference between using professional vendors and gracious friends and family. Within the world of wedding ceremony trends I cringe when people tell me they’ve asked a brother, uncle or friend to act as their officiant. I’m personally busy enough that I’m not concerned with losing business to this trend, but I worry about the resulting ceremony for a couple of reasons. First, the person acting as officiant often knows one of you better than the other, and likely has a limited perspective on your relationship. This can result in an unbalanced ceremony that doesn’t really focus on you, your love and commitment to each other. You really don’t want your ceremony to sound like the warm-up for the evening’s toasts.

The second reason I worry is because these well-intentioned folks usually don’t have training in what we call the “emotional arc” of the ceremony. A well designed ceremony will carry you and your guests on a journey – it will build to a crescendo, and close with feelings of hope and excitement for your future. Untrained officiants are likely to place ceremony elements in a haphazard order, or draw focus to concepts out of order in a way that leaves everyone feeling a bit at sea. And worst case, the untrained officiant might not follow state requirements to be able to perform a legal ceremony for you, or may get cold feet and back out altogether, only weeks or days before your wedding.

For all the above reasons, I encourage you to consider hiring professionals to handle what you consider to be the most important parts of your wedding day, and to engage your helpful family and friends to work on the surrounding tasks – or just enjoy being welcomed guests. This approach will lead to a memorable wedding day and will reduce the potential for various disasters.