When your parent is missing from your wedding it can impact you in unexpected ways. Over the years I’ve worked with a number of couples dealing with this situation, and they’ve each approached it differently. The lesson here is that there is no single “right answer” for everyone, but with a little thought and discussion, you can find the answer that is right for you.
Here are a few situations and how each couple chose to address it:
– When the mother of the groom had recently died, the couple chose to hang a set of wind chimes, a favorite of hers, in the ceremony space. When the chimes rang, they felt close to her. We also explained the symbolism to the guests and spoke about how she had loved the couple and would so have liked to be there to celebrate with them on this special day.
– A recent bride lost her mother when she was very young, and an aunt and uncle had helped her dad raise her. She invited the aunt and uncle to walk in the processional and sit in the front row next to her dad.
– A few couples chose to walk into and out of their ceremony together. In one case it was because of difficult relationships with the parents, in another it was because the bride’s father had died, and in a third it was because they had been together so long they didn’t like the symbolism of the bride separating from her father/parents to join with the groom.
– Of course, another option if the bride’s father is not present for any reason is to have the bride’s mother escort her into the ceremony. Often the bride (or groom) and their mother are very close in these situations, and that is the natural solution.
– One couple chose to have me mention the parents who had died by name near the beginning of the ceremony, noting that they were especially missed on this special day.
– Other couples have included a memorial statement in their ceremony program recognizing parents and grandparents who have died.
– Yet another couple chose to place a rose on the chair where the groom’s mother would have been seated if she was still alive.
– And in yet a final situation, the couple chose not to mention the bride’s missing father at all. He boycotted the wedding because he disapproved of the man his daughter chose to marry. His absence was his loss.
As you can see, there are many ways to handle the situation when your parent is missing for any reason at your wedding ceremony. While it can be emotionally difficult to think about, working together as a couple and with your celebrant, you can address this situation in a way that is right for you and that allows you to fully enjoy your wedding day.