officiant

Questions to Ask Your Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / weddings by

There are questions to ask your officiant at your first meeting that will help you decide if you want to book their services for your wedding day. Last week I wrote about how to find potential officiants, so you’ll want to read that post first. Now that you’re speaking with a prospective officiant in person (or via technology if you’re not in the same city), you’ll want to use your time wisely and ask some important questions.

The questions to ask your officiant are ones that help you determine if you’re a good fit for each other. You’ll want to have trust and confidence that this person will provide the kind of ceremony you want in a meaningful, professional and approachable manner. Here are 6 questions to help you make that determination:

  1. Are you available for the date, time and location of our wedding ceremony? You don’t want to waste anyone’s time if these basic criteria aren’t met. Bonus points if the officiant has performed ceremonies at your venue before. They’ll know the venue manager and how to use the space effectively for you.
  2. Do you offer the kind of ceremony we want? This is a multi-faceted question. First, if you’re looking for a secular or non-religious ceremony, do they offer that? Conversely, if you want religion in your ceremony, are they knowledgeable and willing to include the prayers and religious readings you want? If you’ve been to other weddings and do or do not want a particular element in your ceremony, are they willing to accommodate that? Examples could be a particular unity ritual, reading, or approach to vows.
  3. How involved will we be in ceremony creation? Officiants may want you to provide information via a questionnaire to allow them to personalize the ceremony. They may want you to review the ceremony draft and provide feedback – or alternately, they may not be willing to share the ceremony wording in advance of your wedding day. The important thing is to understand the expectations and make sure you’re comfortable with them.
  4. What background, education and/or experience do you have in ceremony creation? Everyone has a first ceremony, but if the officiant is inexperienced they should be able to point to education or training that prepares them to do good work for you.
  5. What is included in your services? Consider whether the officiant will run a rehearsal for you if you want, how far in advance of the ceremony time they will arrive, and if they handle the legal paperwork for you after the ceremony. Some officiants can provide a sound system to allow your guests to hear the ceremony while some rely on you to provide that. And importantly, how accessible is the officiant to you if you have questions along the way?
  6. Do you have an agreement or contract that we all sign that clearly identifies services to be provided by the officiant and those that are your responsibility? Sometimes officiant services are booked a year or more in advance, and it’s best to have clear documentation of what has been agreed to.

Using these questions to ask your officiant, you can gather a wealth of information and will be able to determine your comfort level in working with them. You’ll feel more comfortable and confident during your initial meeting when you arrive armed with these 6 questions to ask your officiant, and more confident making a decision to move forward with them.

As we move into the second half of 2019 I’m beginning to hear from more couples looking for an officiant for their 2020 wedding days. I look forward to speaking with couples and am happy to address all the questions above. But I realize that selecting an officiant is new to most of you, so I’m always happy to guide the conversation so we all get the information we need, if that is your preference.

Finding the Right Wedding Officiant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Weddings  tagged celebrant / non-religious wedding / officiant / secular ceremony / secular wedding / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding officiant / weddings by

Finding the right wedding officiant can be as simple as asking your local minister, rabbi or priest. However, if you are looking for a secular/non-religious ceremony or want a personalized ceremony that focuses on you and the love you’ve found together, finding the right person can take a little more effort.

Finding the right wedding officiant isn’t hard, if you follow these steps:

  1. Decide what kind of ceremony you want. Are you looking for a more traditional ceremony, or do you want something more creative that reflects you as a couple?
  2. Next, make sure you have settled on a wedding date and ceremony venue. These are likely the first questions a potential officiant will ask you. If they are not available on the date and time you need them, there’s no reason to waste your time discussing your ceremony wishes further.
  3. Ask around. Perhaps you’ve been to a wedding that you thought was particularly special. Ask the couple for contact information for their officiant. Maybe co-workers or other acquaintances have recently married or attended a great wedding. They are another source of officiant names.
  4. Use the internet. A search for “Rochester wedding officiant” should turn up a number of options. You can check out websites to learn more about these folks. Things to look for include how they describe their services: does it sound like the kind of ceremony you’re looking for? Read any testimonials that are posted and see if they resonate with you. And check if they provide a page of Frequently Asked Questions – these can give you a good idea of how they work.
  5. Take the plunge and reach out to an officiant or two or three. Many officiants provide an online form you can use to contact them, and they all list email addresses and phone numbers. If you have identified more than one potential officiant it’s good to contact a few as some may be booked already.

When contacting a potential officiant, it’s best to begin by sharing your names, your wedding date, ceremony venue and ceremony time (if known). It’s great, but not necessary in this first communication to share anything that is important to you about your ceremony. Do you want a non-religious ceremony? Is there a particular unity ritual you would like to include? Do you want to write your own vows? This additional information will help the officiant determine if they might be a good fit for you.

Finding the right wedding officiant using the steps above helps you identify one or a few possible officiants for your wedding day. The next step is setting up an in person (or video chat/Skype/Facetime) meeting. Next week I’ll write about what questions you’ll want to ask when that meeting happens.

Three Reasons to Hire a Professional Officiant

 in Celebrant / Officiant / Trends / Weddings  tagged officiant / professionals / wedding / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding officiant / wedding professionals / weddings by

There are many more than three reasons to hire a professional officiant for your wedding ceremony, but there are three that I hear most often. As both a trained and certified Life Cycle Celebrant (R), and an endorsed Humanist Celebrant for a decade I’d had the opportunity to hear many horror stories from people who have seen poor wedding ceremonies. One of the most common causes for complaint is an unprepared family member or friend acting as the officiant. Here’s what couples have shared with me:

First, when I meet with couples for an initial consultation (a no cost, no obligation meeting) I’ve heard many times that they had never considered some of the topics I raise. For example, they haven’t thought about the logistics of the processional: who will walk in the processional, in what order, etc? They haven’t considered the possible elements of their ceremony – readings, rituals, guest involvement options, and more. They haven’t thought about where and how they will greet their guests following the ceremony. By engaging with a professional officiant all these topics will be discussed and your wishes will be honored.

Second, most couples in our area opt to have a rehearsal. As an experienced professional I can run your rehearsal in an efficient and effective manner. I can get and hold the attention of your wedding party, provide tips to help make everyone look sharp for the ceremony, and make sure that all the important points are covered. I’ve heard many times from couples, parents and attendants that the rehearsal reduced their stress and uncertainty so they could relax and enjoy the actual ceremony experience.

And third, professional officiants can prepare and preside over your ceremony in a way that is memorable for all the right reasons. The ceremony will be written well in advance, and you will have seen and approved it. The ceremony will follow a logical sequence and an emotional arc that leaves your guests satisfied and ready to move on to the rest of the celebration. Your officiant will offer the ceremony with professional vocal skills to ensure clarity and engage your guests.

These are just three reasons to hire a professional officiant based on my personal experience. You can find another perspective on this topic in an article from The Knot, here.

There is a trend toward having a friend or family member prepare and offer your wedding ceremony, but there are many possible pitfalls with that approach. Sometimes it works out well, but too often the ceremony is poorly written and presented, and opportunities for truly memorable moments are missed. Even a well-paid professional officiant accounts for a small percentage of your overall wedding budget, but will provide a great first act for your wedding day festivities.

Newly Engaged Couples – Congratulations!

 in Celebrant / Engagement / Officiant / Venue / Weddings  tagged celebrant / engaged / engagement / newly engaged / officiant / venue / wedding / weddings by

To all newly engaged couples, I offer my congratulations, and welcome you to the wonderful world of wedding planning. The holiday season – from Thanksgiving through New Years – is the busiest time of the year for engagements, so you are in good company as newly engaged couples. Often upon announcing your engagement, the first question to come up is, “Do you have a date yet?” While it may seem overwhelming with so many decisions in front of you, setting your date is the right place to start.

To set your date, though, you’ll need to discuss a few things including:
– do you want to have your wedding where you live now, where one of you grew up, or maybe a destination wedding is the right choice for you? Answering this question will help you identify the city/area to focus on.
– do you have a specific time of year you want to get married? It’s best if you maintain some flexibility here as some dates will already be booked.
– do you have a particular kind of venue in mind? Maybe a barn wedding or a celebration at a winery is your dream, or perhaps you’re looking for an elegant ballroom or loft event or a simple backyard gathering.

Once you have a vision for the where, when and what your ideal wedding day looks like, you’re ready to start researching venues that meet your criteria. I can’t impress on newly engaged couples enough to jump on this level of planning immediately after you become engaged (or even before if you know a wedding is in your near future). Many popular venues book a year or more in advance, so it is never too soon to begin your search. That said, if you have some flexibility, you might still be able to book your favorite venue – maybe for a Friday or Sunday celebration if all the Saturdays are booked.

As soon as you know your wedding date and venue, it’s time to begin your next round of research and secure the following vendors for your day:
1. Celebrant or officiant
2. Photographer
3. Planner or coordinator (if you plan to hire a professional)
4. Caterer (if food in not provided by your venue)
5. Florist
6. Bridal Salon for your dress (especially if your wedding date is closer in than 9 months away)

There are a number of tools available to help newly engaged couples navigate the complex task of planning your wedding day. Make sure to check out online tools at sites like Wedding Wire or The Knot along with articles at sites like Brides and Weddingbee. There are also hard copy books, binders and specialized planners available if you prefer to use something you can literally put your hands on.

The Engagement Season is certainly upon us. I’ve been booking 2019 weddings for a number of months, but my email and phone have definitely seen increased activity in the last week. So congratulations and welcome to all newly engaged couples. I look forward to hearing from you when you’re ready to select your wedding celebrant to help you have the ceremony of your dreams.

The Benefits of Hiring Professionals

 in Ceremony / Music / Officiant / Weddings  tagged officiant / professionals by

There are benefits to hiring professionals for your wedding day. You can ask friends and relatives to help with many tasks associated with your wedding, from making signs to creating welcome bags for out of town guests staying at hotels; from helping to address invitations to greeting guests at the ceremony. But there are some tasks that I suggest are best handled by professionals.

I will admit that I am biased, since I’m one of the professionals you can hire for your wedding day, but stay with me as I make my case. You probably have an amateur photographer among your acquaintances who could take pictures at your wedding. But they likely will not have the experience or equipment to capture all the special moments that a professional photographer would. And you can certainly ask a friend to run your recorded music for your ceremony, but do you have appropriate speakers so the music will be heard? Will that friend know when to start, stop or cycle a given song so the last part of the processional doesn’t happen in silence and you don’t have to stand awkwardly waiting for the music to finish? Professional DJs and live musicians with wedding experience can ensure there are no awkward silences or over long musical interludes.

Those are just two examples of the difference between using professional vendors and gracious friends and family. Within the world of wedding ceremony trends I cringe when people tell me they’ve asked a brother, uncle or friend to act as their officiant. I’m personally busy enough that I’m not concerned with losing business to this trend, but I worry about the resulting ceremony for a couple of reasons. First, the person acting as officiant often knows one of you better than the other, and likely has a limited perspective on your relationship. This can result in an unbalanced ceremony that doesn’t really focus on you, your love and commitment to each other. You really don’t want your ceremony to sound like the warm-up for the evening’s toasts.

The second reason I worry is because these well-intentioned folks usually don’t have training in what we call the “emotional arc” of the ceremony. A well designed ceremony will carry you and your guests on a journey – it will build to a crescendo, and close with feelings of hope and excitement for your future. Untrained officiants are likely to place ceremony elements in a haphazard order, or draw focus to concepts out of order in a way that leaves everyone feeling a bit at sea. And worst case, the untrained officiant might not follow state requirements to be able to perform a legal ceremony for you, or may get cold feet and back out altogether, only weeks or days before your wedding.

For all the above reasons, I encourage you to consider hiring professionals to handle what you consider to be the most important parts of your wedding day, and to engage your helpful family and friends to work on the surrounding tasks – or just enjoy being welcomed guests. This approach will lead to a memorable wedding day and will reduce the potential for various disasters.