Wedding Ceremony

Too Much of a Good Thing

 in Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony customization / custom ritual / customization / owl ring bearer / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony by


Too much of a good thing is possible in wedding ceremonies, too. I often encourage couples to personalize their wedding ceremonies with rituals and special moments that reflect them. But you can cross a line here. Using an interest or experience to create a memorable moment is a great idea, but do step back and consider the bigger picture.

Back in 2018 a couple in the UK decided to have an owl act as their ring bearer. I’m not sure if they had a particular interest in the animals, or were just looking for a “wow” moment. But they got more than expected. When the time came for the bird to deliver the rings, it decided it didn’t like the look of one of the best men in the wedding party, and it attacked. You can see pictures and read the whole story here: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/27/owls-of-laughter-as-winged-ring-bearer-attacks-best-man The story recalls the enjoyment and laughter of the bride and groom. I expect that the attacked best man may have a different story to tell.

There are falconry businesses available in the US that will provide similar services – for a hefty price. If you have an interest in falconry or are planning a medieval themed wedding, this might be something you want to consider.

There are a number of ways this choice may be too much of a good thing. Here are just a few of them:

  • The cost is very high for this brief experience. Listed prices are around $1000 plus travel expenses.
  • If you are planning an indoor experience, or if weather forces you indoors, you’ll need to ensure your venue will permit the birds to fly.
  • These are wild animals, and as such are unpredictable. Consider how guests may react to a rogue or attacking bird.
  • Animal cruelty concerns must be vetted. Perhaps some handlers can assure you that their animals are not being harmed, but some of your guests may feel differently.

I am a fan of customizing your wedding ceremony and including unique rituals. Personally, I think owls/birds of prey as ring bearers is too much of a good thing. But you’ll have to make the decision for yourselves.

Customizing Family Rituals

 in Blended family / Inclusive ceremony / Personalized Ceremony / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged family rituals / personalized rituals / wedding ceremony / wedding rituals by

Customizing family rituals is a creative way to personalize your wedding ceremony. Allowing your personalities shine during your ceremony makes it more interesting. While wedding rituals like blending sand or handfasting can enhance a ceremony, extending them to include your family make them truly memorable.

Sand blending, where the couple pour two different colors of sand into a vessel, has been around since outdoor ceremonies became popular. The ritual represents the blending of two lives in marriage. It has been extended to become a popular ritual for families with children where the couple and each of their children blend colored sand representing themselves into a common vessel representing the new blended family.

I recently saw a new version of this ritual where rather than blending all the different colors, everyone took turns pouring their own color. The resulting layers created a striped effect, which was even more significant when the colors of the Pride flag were used for a same sex couple and their children. The symbolism is a little different, with everyone retaining their individuality (or stripe) while joining together in a single vessel (the new family unit).

Rainbow Ribbons for a Handfasting ritual.

The sand blending ritual is perfect for a family with younger children. If you have adult children, you might consider enhancing the handfasting ritual to represent both the couple and the new, blended family created by their union. I recently wrote this ritual with the adult family members stepping forward to demonstrate their support for their newly married parents, and recognizing their part in the newly blended family. Each adult child brings forward a ribbon which are placed over the parents’ joined hands. The ribbons represent both a wish for the couple, and a coordinated wish for the new family. For example, one ribbon may represent a wish for growing love for the couple and growing connection among all the family members. At the end of the ritual all the ribbons are tied together, as the new family is joined together through their parents’ marriage.

Customizing family rituals in these and similar ways takes a little creativity and thought, but is not difficult to do. Including modified rituals allows them to integrate fully in the ceremony and include all members of a newly blended family. As with many aspects of your wedding ceremony, customizing rituals provides one more way to let your personalities and your new family shine.

Engaging Wedding Celebrants

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Officiant / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning  tagged celebrant / officiant / wedding celebrant / wedding officiant / wedding planning by

Engaging wedding celebrants can be a bit daunting for a newly engaged couple. It is an important part of planning your wedding day, though, so don’t delay due to nerves. There is a simple process you can follow that will help you decide when you’ve found the wedding celebrant that’s right for you.

Before you reach out to potential celebrants, you’ll need two key pieces of information: your ceremony venue and wedding date. These will be necessary for any celebrant to tell you if they are available on your date, and if they serve your location/venue. Armed with the date and venue, you’re ready to begin your search.

If you’ve been to a wedding where you really enjoyed the ceremony, or if you know people who have recently married that’s a great place to start. Talk to those couples and ask for reviews, referrals and contact information. If you’re starting from scratch, try an online search. Use “wedding officiant ” for example. Note that I suggest using “officiant” instead of “celebrant” for this search. That’s because celebrant is a more specialized term and you’ll find more possibilities using the term officiant. Spend some time reading celebrant websites to learn more about the services they offer. Some will likely appeal to you more than others.

Now it’s time to begin engaging wedding celebrants you’re drawn to. An email or phone call is probably the best place to start. Provide the date and venue information and ask if they are available. It’s helpful for you to include information on what kind of a ceremony you’re looking for. For example, do you want a religious or secular ceremony? Do you want to include any special activities in your ceremony? Perhaps you know you want to include a handfasting ritual. If so, tell the prospective celebrant up front so they can let you know if that’s something they offer.

Once you’ve identified a prospective celebrant (or two), it’s time to get “face to face” with them. This can be in person or via a video conference. The important thing is for the three of you to get to know each other a bit. You’ll be looking for how comfortable you are with the celebrant. You’ll be looking for confirmation that they are experienced and interested in providing the kind of ceremony you want. They’ll be looking to understand if they can meet your needs and feel they can work well with you.

When engaging wedding celebrants, don’t be afraid to let them lead the conversation, at least at first. They’ve had these discussions many times and know what information both you and they need to get from your meeting. That said, don’t be intimidated. You are the client, and they need to fit you and your vision for your wedding ceremony. After your initial meeting you’ll need to decide if you want to work with that celebrant. Please be courteous and let them know either way. Their feelings won’t be hurt if you choose a different celebrant. But it will help them tremendously if they know that your wedding date is still available to other couples who might be looking to book at the same time. Take a deep breath and begin the process of engaging wedding celebrants. It’s exciting and such an important part of your wedding day.

Becoming a Family Celebrant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Memorial services / Officiant / Personalized Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony / Welcoming Ceremony  tagged child welcoming / family celebrant / memorial service / multiple ceremonies / wedding ceremony by

Becoming a family celebrant has been an unexpected benefit of the work I’ve done as a lifecyle celebrant over the last 14 years. I’ve always offered “cradle to grave” ceremonies, meaning everything from child welcomings to weddings to memorial services. But I didn’t foresee having the opportunity to create and offer multiple ceremonies for a given family.

Becoming a family celebrant has taken different forms for different families. For some families it means offering multiple wedding ceremonies over the years for siblings. I feel especially honored when the second or subsequent sibling contacts me. I know that they’ve seen my work and trust me to create their unique marriage ceremony, too.

Custom memorial services

In other cases, I’ve become the family’s memorial celebrant. I’m called upon to create and offer ceremonies that celebrate and honor the life of a recently deceased family member. I’ve had the privilege to officiate at three memorials for one special family. I’ve helped them recognize the life of the patriarch, matriarch and daughter.

In a twist on the idea of becoming a family celebrant, I’ve repeatedly been called upon to welcome a child into the family of a couple I married earlier. These special requests provide an opportunity for me to catch up with the couple. And I get to see how their lives have grown since I married them. I’ve just recently been contacted to create a welcoming ceremony for the second child of one couple I married a number of years ago. We celebrated their marriage first. Then in 2020 we celebrated the birth of their first child. Now I look forward to celebrating the arrival of their second son later this year.

Baby Welcoming - Wishes Tree
Baby Welcoming – Wishes Tree

While most of the ceremonies I offer are weddings, it is a pleasure to also celebrate and commemorate other life events. I appreciate the trust and confidence previous clients demonstrate when they ask for my assistance a second or even third time.

Congratulations and Happy Holidays

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Venue / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding planning / Weddings  tagged legal marriage / wedding / wedding celebrant / wedding planning by

Congratulations and Happy Holidays to everyone celebrating special events in the coming weeks. Hanukkah has begun, the winter solstice is tonight, Christmas and Kwanzaa are around the corner, and New Years can be celebrated by us all. And scattered amongst all these annual holidays many couples will formalize their engagements in the next few weeks, too. These winter holidays and Valentine’s Day in February are the most frequent times for couple’s to get engaged.

So, to all the newly engaged, I would like to extend my congratulations and best wishes for long and happy marriages. As you share your happy news with family and friends, often the first question you will be asked is, “Have you set a date yet?” You’ll only be able to answer that after you’ve selected your venue. It may be a local hotel or event center. Perhaps you’ll want an intimate backyard gathering. Or maybe you’ll select a destination wedding in a foreign country. Selecting your venue and learning their availability will likely determine your wedding date.

Once you have your date established, it will be time to lock down all your important vendors. This includes catering (if not provided by the venue), florist and photography, and many more. I encourage you to put securing the services of a professional celebrant high on your To Do list. We are the people who will make your marriage legal. No matter how intimate, elaborate, formal or casual your day will be, you will need to ensure that your marriage will be legally recognized when all is said and done.

Professional celebrants will work with you to craft the ceremony you want. We will also walk you through the process needed to obtain your legal marriage paperwork, and ensure it is returned to the issuing governmental offices. This last step is important. If your paperwork is not returned in compliance with state law, your marriage will not be legal.

Remember then, to include selecting your wedding celebrant as a key part of your planning process. Then you can relax, knowing that you’ll have the ceremony of your dreams, and all the details will be handled, too.

At this special time of year, I’d like to express my congratulations and happy holidays wishes to everyone. I’m looking forward to celebrating with some of you in the coming year.