Wedding Party

Small Medium or Large?

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Wedding planning  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding party / weddings by

Does a small, medium or large wedding party best fit your wedding day vision? There is no right or wrong answer. But there are many considerations in choosing the size of your wedding party. The topic deserves careful review and discussion early in your planning process.

A large wedding party, five or more sets of attendants can be a party within the party of your wedding day. You’ll be surrounded by a larger group of people who are important to you. Ideally, more hands make for lighter work. They can all share the many tasks involved in planning for your wedding day. Even on the day itself there are many details that need tending to, and these folks can take some of the load off you and your families.

However, larger wedding parties also have some down sides. They are harder to keep focused. You’ll spend more time tracking down the missing attendant for pictures, for the grand march, and more. Large wedding parties are also more expensive. The cost of gifts for 10 or more will add up. If you’re considering covering the cost of make-up and hair styling for your party, the cost can be significant. If you’re looking to provide transportation for the wedding party you’ll need more cars or a larger van or bus.

For some couples, a small wedding party, zero to 2 sets of attendants, is the right answer. This option reverses the pros and cons noted above. It also provides a more intimate and streamlined experience. Small wedding parties allow the focus to stay on you as a couple. They are often perfect for shy or introverted couples, and for second or subsequent weddings. If you’re opting for an intimate wedding experience with a smaller guest list, a small wedding party is a great way to begin.

A medium sized wedding party is defined as three to five attendants for each of you. It is the most common size for wedding parties, and can be ideal if you are looking to minimize the cost and complexities while maximizing the support and fun considerations.

When choosing the size of your wedding party – small, medium or large, remember that it is no longer necessary to have the same number of attendants for each of you. You can each also select your attendants regardless of gender. Creative planning for your wedding party allows anything to work. Surround yourselves with the people most important to you, but consider how your wedding party – be it small, medium or large – fits into the vision you have for your wedding day.

Modern Wedding Parties

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Modern wedding parties are as diverse as the couples being married. No longer is it necessary to match the number of attendants (bridesmaids and groomsmen). Or dress attendants identically. No longer do the genders of attendants need to match the person for whom they are standing up. Let’s consider what is most important about the people you choose for your wedding party.

The single most important attribute for inclusion in your wedding party is that the person be someone you are close to and who supports your choice to marry. These important people will work with you in planning your wedding. They will celebrate with you at bachelor or bachelorette parties. They may organize showers or other gatherings, too. On the wedding day itself, these important people will be with you throughout the day. They may gather for hair and make-up sessions. Or help you dress. They will stand with you during the ceremony and will celebrate with you throughout the reception. Bottom line, being an attendant at your wedding is often a job best reserved for your besties and your siblings (if you’re close).

Choosing your modern wedding parties is easier than in the past. You have flexibility in numbers, genders, and attire. If you happen to have four people who immediately come to mind when considering who will stand up for you, and your partner has three, this is not a problem. There are a few ways to handle uneven numbers:

  1. Have the attendants enter as couples and a trio if the numbers are only off by one. Or have one attendant lead the way, followed by the rest as couples.
  2. Have two attendants enter together and both step to one side if your numbers are off by two.
  3. Have your attendants enter single file, alternating between standing on each side. Hint: no one will notice or care if two or even three attendants step to the same side in this approach.
  4. Have all the attendants for one of the couple enter together as a group at the beginning of the processional, with the attendants for the other one of the couple following as a group.

A growing number of weddings have attendants of both genders (or non-binary individuals) for each member of the couple. It’s easy to ignore tradition in this case and have them enter two by two, but not on each others arm. Then it doesn’t matter if two women or two men are walking side by side. You can combine this approach if you have both uneven numbers and mixed genders among your attendants.

If your wedding party includes mixed gender attendants the question of dress often comes up. It’s perfectly acceptable to have the women in the party dress alike and the men as well. But you can also get creative here. A woman standing up for a groom can wear the same style dress as the bridesmaids, but in the groom’s attendants’ color. A man standing up for a bride can add a tie or shirt in the color of the female attendants. Some couples address this situation by simply asking their attendants to wear a certain color and everyone gets to choose their own style. The options are limited only by your creativity, using the comfort of your attendants as your guide.

We are fortunate to be living at a time when many “rules” about weddings are falling to the side. The make up of modern wedding parties benefits from this change. Surround yourself with the people most important to you on your wedding day and you’re sure to have a memorable time.

Choosing an Inclusive Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Inclusive ceremony / Readings / Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party  tagged inclusive ceremony / wedding ceremonies / wedding ceremony / wedding party by

Choosing an inclusive ceremony is becoming a popular option for couples being married. An inclusive ceremony is one that avoids gendered terms like his and hers. As we become more aware of discrimination based on gender and sexual identity, it’s thoughtful and welcoming to choose an inclusive ceremony.

Here are a few ways to have an inclusive ceremony:

  • Choose songs for the ceremony whose lyrics can apply to couples of all kinds.
  • Choose readings that avoid the use gendered pronouns like he/his and she/hers.
  • Ask your celebrant to avoid language that implies all couples are male/female. Rather speak to loving couples and partners without identifying specific sex or gender identities.
  • Choose your wedding party without regard to traditional gendered roles. Brides can have male bodied people stand up for them. Grooms can have female bodied people stand up for them. Choose your wedding party based on who you are closest to. Consider who will support you best on your wedding day, regardless of sex or gender identity.

Perhaps you are not a traditional male/female couple. Choosing an inclusive ceremony is an obvious choice for you. But traditional het couples request an inclusive ceremony to be more comfortable and respectful to some of their family and friends. You want everyone who attends your wedding ceremony to be able to feel the love you’ve found together. You also want them to be able to relate to the emotions being celebrated. To be able to envision themselves experiencing that kind of love. Choosing an inclusive ceremony makes that possible.

Discuss your desire for an inclusive ceremony when you first meet with your celebrant. If they aren’t willing to work with you to ensure that all your guests can see themselves in the ceremony experience, choose another celebrant. Request to review the ceremony draft to ensure that you are comfortable with the language being used. Each couple may have particular sensitivities so inclusive ceremonies are not “one size fits all”. But at the end of the day, you deserve to have a ceremony that you’re 100% comfortable with. Choosing an inclusive ceremony may be the perfect way to do that.

Colorful Weddings

 in Personalization / Uncategorized / Wedding Party / Wedding traditions / Weddings  tagged colorful wedding / personalized wedding / wedding fashion / weddings by


Colorful weddings often refer to bright hues selected for bridesmaids’ dresses, table settings or possibly for flowers. But don’t leave the brides and grooms colorless. Yes, elegant neutrals for the women, and black or navy for the men will always have a place in wedding fashion. But how about a bride in black with a purple underskirt, or a groom in brightly colored argyle socks. I’ve seen both in recent weddings, and they are a great way to let your personality shine.

White wedding gowns have been popular since Queen Victoria chose one for her 1840 wedding to Prince Albert. On recent runways we’ve seen pastels in blue, pink and green plus some delicate floral options for wedding gowns.
But brides are making choices to reflect their personalities and passions. Such was the case with last years bride selecting a black dress with purple underskirt. It fit perfectly with her near gothic sensibilities and Metallica ceremony music.

A black and purple wedding dress for a colorful wedding

Just last week I was speaking with a couple planning a ceremony for later this year. The bride informed me that she would be wearing a black and red gown. Everyone in the wedding party will be dressed in those hues, making for a very bold and colorful wedding.

Let’s not leave the gentlemen out of the opportunity for colorful attire, though. I’m not suggesting the pale blue tuxes of the early ’80’s, but men can add a punch of color to their wedding finery. The argyle socks I mentioned above are an option, but the Green Bay Packer socks worn by the groom and all his groomsmen are another. There was no question who the groom rooted for, even here in Viking country. Ties and vests are other easy ways for men to add a punch of color. Within the last year I’ve seen bold plaid ties, soft floral ties and vests in a variety of colors.

Colorful weddings are a way to express yourselves, to share a passion or interest, or to bring just a bit of whimsy to a day that can feel very formal and sometimes stiff. If your personality is more lighthearted or you just want to dress in your favorite color, don’t feel constrained by tradition. Colorful weddings are becoming more common and are also more memorable. They make for great pictures, too. So feel free to express yourself with your fashion choices.

Making Weddings a Family Affair

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party  tagged children in wedding / family reading / family ritual / family wedding ceremony / wedding ceremony by

Making weddings a family affair is a great idea when there are children in the picture. Whether they belong to one or both of you, including your children in the ceremony adds a great new dimension. It doesn’t take away from the specialness of the moment for the two of you, and you can decide what degree of inclusion is right for you.

It’s common to see children of the couple serve as ring bearers or flower girls, and these are great ways to include younger children in the wedding party. Older children can serve as junior attendants – bridesmaids or groomsmen, and can also serve as escorts to accompany you into the ceremony space.

At a recent wedding, the bride had sourced a lovely childrens book titled, “Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You” by Nancy Tillman. The text expresses the constancy of love and can be applied to the love of parents for children and is also applicable to the love between the couple. I’ve added it to my readings library and also used it for a Child Welcoming last weekend where it also fit perfectly. At the wedding, the couple had purchased a copy of the book and presented it to the two young girls to follow along as the reading was offered. It was a perfect, sweet moment, and one more example of making weddings a family affair.

The highlight of any wedding is the vows. After the couple exchanges promises with their vows, it’s a perfect time to recognize the new family that is formalized with the marriage of the parents. Bring the children (if still dependents) up and make promises to them, too. These can be simply worded, heartfelt promises to provide a safe, loving home for this new family, or they can be more elaborate. They can be done repeat after me style or spoken directly by the “new” step-parent.

Gifting a memento of the day to children is another way to make it special for them. I’ve seen everything from necklaces to family pictures to a hockey stick (the new stepdad and son shared a love of the game) gifted during ceremonies. It always provides a special moment when topped off with loving hugs shared all around.

A final option for making weddings a family affair is to bring the parents and children together to share in a family ritual. With younger children a sand ceremony utilizing colors representing each of the family members works well. Adult children may enjoy a flower blending ceremony or a family toast.

When making weddings a family affair it is always best to ask the children (of any age) if they would like to participate, and if so, in what manner. You can have some suggestions to offer, but take your cue from them. Following a divorce or death of a parent, the children may be dealing with mixed or conflicted feelings. They may be most comfortable out of the spotlight. For the same reason, I don’t ever ask children to speak at the ceremonies.

No matter what level and type of involvement you choose for your children at your wedding, make sure that you’re honoring and respecting their needs and wishes. You want this first day as newly formalized family to be filled with smiles and happiness as you bring families together and begin a new journey together.