Marriage

Marriage Is What Happens After the Wedding

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged engagement / engagement discussions / Marriage / weddings by

Marriage is what happens after the wedding day. While it’s easy to get caught up in all the fun and excitement of wedding planning – we’ll leave all the stress and anxiety of wedding planning for another day – it’s equally important to remember that your wedding day is only the beginning and marriage is what happens after the wedding is over.

Hopefully you’ve made the decision to marry when you feel confident that you know your partner well, when you believe that you are compatible for the long haul, and after you’ve had many deep discussions about your expectations of each other going forward. But sometimes, when you’re excited about falling in love, finding your “other half” and proposing or being proposed to, you might have missed some of the discussions you need to have before marrying.

Here’s a link to a great list of questions to consider and talk over with your partner before signing a wedding certificate. Some of the questions are very personal – about your sex life and intimacy expectations. Some are very practical – about handling finances and careers. And some questions are about long term, big picture hopes and dreams. Each of these categories deserves your time and attention as you ask and answer these questions with each other. Common wisdom says that the two biggest issues in marriages that don’t make it revolve around sex and money. You’ll be able to enter your marriage confident in yourselves and each other if you’ve honestly tackled the questions in this list.

Engagements serve two purposes: giving you time to plan the wedding day you want, but also giving you time to continue to grow as you anticipate your future together. While you want your wedding day to be special, authentic, memorable and unique, remember that marriage is what happens after the wedding day. You want to invest yourselves in making sure that you are giving your marriage every chance to succeed, so don’t overlook those big and important discussions along the way.

Marriage Without a Ceremony

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony / Marriage / wedding by

Marriage ceremonies take many different forms. There are intimate ceremonies with the couple and a few close family members and friends. There are large, elaborate wedding days shared with hundreds of guests. There are elopement ceremonies with a simple exchange of vows, and then there are certificate signing ceremonies.

You may not have heard of certificate signing or legalities only ceremonies before because they aren’t really ceremonies. They are a meeting (in Minnesota) of the couple, two witnesses over the age of 16, and a state registered officiant. We gather, usually at the couple’s home, where they each respond to a single question regarding their wish to be married. I am then able to pronounce them married and the legal paperwork is signed. I return the paperwork to the county government offices, and it is done. There are no vows, no readings, no rituals, and often, no rings. It is the bare minimum needed to meet the legal requirements for marriage in our state.

I’ve learned over time that there are a variety of reasons couples choose this option to get married. Sometimes the couple is planning a destination wedding outside the US, and prefers to marry legally in the States. Sometimes they have been together for many years, have an established life as a couple, and don’t see a traditional wedding experience as desirable. Sometimes the couple is planning a ceremony for a later date, but wish to move the date of their legal marriage to as soon as possible. And the reasons for being legally married quickly vary, too.

I’ve performed certificate signings for couples where one person has lost a job or is changing jobs and needs to be covered on the other person’s health insurance. I’ve worked with couples who are moving for a job opportunity, but the employer will only cover moving costs for both of them if they are married. Yet other couples seek a quick marriage due to pending military service.

While there is value in celebrating your marriage with family and friends, life sometimes gets in the way, and you need to marry quickly and/or simply. A certificate signing is the perfect response to these needs, and I’m happy to provide this service in Rochester. Just as each marriage experience will be unique, each wedding experience needs to fit each couple’s needs, too. Vive la difference!