wedding ceremony

Too Much of a Good Thing

 in Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony customization / custom ritual / customization / owl ring bearer / personalized wedding / wedding ceremony by


Too much of a good thing is possible in wedding ceremonies, too. I often encourage couples to personalize their wedding ceremonies with rituals and special moments that reflect them. But you can cross a line here. Using an interest or experience to create a memorable moment is a great idea, but do step back and consider the bigger picture.

Back in 2018 a couple in the UK decided to have an owl act as their ring bearer. I’m not sure if they had a particular interest in the animals, or were just looking for a “wow” moment. But they got more than expected. When the time came for the bird to deliver the rings, it decided it didn’t like the look of one of the best men in the wedding party, and it attacked. You can see pictures and read the whole story here: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/27/owls-of-laughter-as-winged-ring-bearer-attacks-best-man The story recalls the enjoyment and laughter of the bride and groom. I expect that the attacked best man may have a different story to tell.

There are falconry businesses available in the US that will provide similar services – for a hefty price. If you have an interest in falconry or are planning a medieval themed wedding, this might be something you want to consider.

There are a number of ways this choice may be too much of a good thing. Here are just a few of them:

  • The cost is very high for this brief experience. Listed prices are around $1000 plus travel expenses.
  • If you are planning an indoor experience, or if weather forces you indoors, you’ll need to ensure your venue will permit the birds to fly.
  • These are wild animals, and as such are unpredictable. Consider how guests may react to a rogue or attacking bird.
  • Animal cruelty concerns must be vetted. Perhaps some handlers can assure you that their animals are not being harmed, but some of your guests may feel differently.

I am a fan of customizing your wedding ceremony and including unique rituals. Personally, I think owls/birds of prey as ring bearers is too much of a good thing. But you’ll have to make the decision for yourselves.

Customizing Family Rituals

 in Blended family / Inclusive ceremony / Personalized Ceremony / Rituals / Wedding Ceremony / Weddings  tagged family rituals / personalized rituals / wedding ceremony / wedding rituals by

Customizing family rituals is a creative way to personalize your wedding ceremony. Allowing your personalities shine during your ceremony makes it more interesting. While wedding rituals like blending sand or handfasting can enhance a ceremony, extending them to include your family make them truly memorable.

Sand blending, where the couple pour two different colors of sand into a vessel, has been around since outdoor ceremonies became popular. The ritual represents the blending of two lives in marriage. It has been extended to become a popular ritual for families with children where the couple and each of their children blend colored sand representing themselves into a common vessel representing the new blended family.

I recently saw a new version of this ritual where rather than blending all the different colors, everyone took turns pouring their own color. The resulting layers created a striped effect, which was even more significant when the colors of the Pride flag were used for a same sex couple and their children. The symbolism is a little different, with everyone retaining their individuality (or stripe) while joining together in a single vessel (the new family unit).

Rainbow Ribbons for a Handfasting ritual.

The sand blending ritual is perfect for a family with younger children. If you have adult children, you might consider enhancing the handfasting ritual to represent both the couple and the new, blended family created by their union. I recently wrote this ritual with the adult family members stepping forward to demonstrate their support for their newly married parents, and recognizing their part in the newly blended family. Each adult child brings forward a ribbon which are placed over the parents’ joined hands. The ribbons represent both a wish for the couple, and a coordinated wish for the new family. For example, one ribbon may represent a wish for growing love for the couple and growing connection among all the family members. At the end of the ritual all the ribbons are tied together, as the new family is joined together through their parents’ marriage.

Customizing family rituals in these and similar ways takes a little creativity and thought, but is not difficult to do. Including modified rituals allows them to integrate fully in the ceremony and include all members of a newly blended family. As with many aspects of your wedding ceremony, customizing rituals provides one more way to let your personalities and your new family shine.

Becoming a Family Celebrant

 in Celebrant / Ceremony / Memorial services / Officiant / Personalized Ceremony / Wedding Ceremony / Welcoming Ceremony  tagged child welcoming / family celebrant / memorial service / multiple ceremonies / wedding ceremony by

Becoming a family celebrant has been an unexpected benefit of the work I’ve done as a lifecyle celebrant over the last 14 years. I’ve always offered “cradle to grave” ceremonies, meaning everything from child welcomings to weddings to memorial services. But I didn’t foresee having the opportunity to create and offer multiple ceremonies for a given family.

Becoming a family celebrant has taken different forms for different families. For some families it means offering multiple wedding ceremonies over the years for siblings. I feel especially honored when the second or subsequent sibling contacts me. I know that they’ve seen my work and trust me to create their unique marriage ceremony, too.

Custom memorial services

In other cases, I’ve become the family’s memorial celebrant. I’m called upon to create and offer ceremonies that celebrate and honor the life of a recently deceased family member. I’ve had the privilege to officiate at three memorials for one special family. I’ve helped them recognize the life of the patriarch, matriarch and daughter.

In a twist on the idea of becoming a family celebrant, I’ve repeatedly been called upon to welcome a child into the family of a couple I married earlier. These special requests provide an opportunity for me to catch up with the couple. And I get to see how their lives have grown since I married them. I’ve just recently been contacted to create a welcoming ceremony for the second child of one couple I married a number of years ago. We celebrated their marriage first. Then in 2020 we celebrated the birth of their first child. Now I look forward to celebrating the arrival of their second son later this year.

Baby Welcoming - Wishes Tree
Baby Welcoming – Wishes Tree

While most of the ceremonies I offer are weddings, it is a pleasure to also celebrate and commemorate other life events. I appreciate the trust and confidence previous clients demonstrate when they ask for my assistance a second or even third time.

Unconventional Wedding Choices

 in Personalization / Wedding traditions / Weddings  tagged personalized wedding / unconventional wedding choices / wedding attire / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Unconventional wedding choices are yet another way to make your wedding day uniquely yours. If you are a bit unconventional as a couple, and traditional weddings just aren’t for you, I encourage you to make choices that feel authentic for you.

I recently had two Halloween weddings where couples used the holiday to express themselves in different, but meaningful (to them) ways. One couple dressed all in black, taking a more gothic approach to the day. And the other couple dressed in costume, bringing some whimsy to what can be a more serious, though celebratory day. In each case the couples were being true to themselves as they marked a milestone moment in their lives.

Costumed Halloween Wedding
Unconventional wedding choices

I’ve also had couples express their individuality in a different way. One couple chose dressy, but nontraditional, colorful attire for their ceremony, while another couple opted for dark colors and their favorite heavy metal music to accompany their wedding.

Colorful wedding attire
Colorful wedding attire
Unconventional wedding choices
Unconventional wedding choices

Some couples enjoy the more typical wedding traditions, and that’s great, too. White dresses, traditional ceremonies and rituals all have their place. They can be the exactly what some couples want. But unconventional wedding choices have their place, too. Feel free to modify or discard wedding traditions if they don’t fit you. Embrace choices to make the day truly reflect who you are and the marriage you are beginning.

Small Medium or Large?

 in Wedding Ceremony / Wedding Party / Wedding planning  tagged wedding ceremony / wedding party / weddings by

Does a small, medium or large wedding party best fit your wedding day vision? There is no right or wrong answer. But there are many considerations in choosing the size of your wedding party. The topic deserves careful review and discussion early in your planning process.

A large wedding party, five or more sets of attendants can be a party within the party of your wedding day. You’ll be surrounded by a larger group of people who are important to you. Ideally, more hands make for lighter work. They can all share the many tasks involved in planning for your wedding day. Even on the day itself there are many details that need tending to, and these folks can take some of the load off you and your families.

However, larger wedding parties also have some down sides. They are harder to keep focused. You’ll spend more time tracking down the missing attendant for pictures, for the grand march, and more. Large wedding parties are also more expensive. The cost of gifts for 10 or more will add up. If you’re considering covering the cost of make-up and hair styling for your party, the cost can be significant. If you’re looking to provide transportation for the wedding party you’ll need more cars or a larger van or bus.

For some couples, a small wedding party, zero to 2 sets of attendants, is the right answer. This option reverses the pros and cons noted above. It also provides a more intimate and streamlined experience. Small wedding parties allow the focus to stay on you as a couple. They are often perfect for shy or introverted couples, and for second or subsequent weddings. If you’re opting for an intimate wedding experience with a smaller guest list, a small wedding party is a great way to begin.

A medium sized wedding party is defined as three to five attendants for each of you. It is the most common size for wedding parties, and can be ideal if you are looking to minimize the cost and complexities while maximizing the support and fun considerations.

When choosing the size of your wedding party – small, medium or large, remember that it is no longer necessary to have the same number of attendants for each of you. You can each also select your attendants regardless of gender. Creative planning for your wedding party allows anything to work. Surround yourselves with the people most important to you, but consider how your wedding party – be it small, medium or large – fits into the vision you have for your wedding day.