Yearly Archives: 2018

Leaving Tradition Behind – Making Your Wedding Day Fit You

 in Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged bouquet toss / first look / garter toss / wedding tradition / wedding traditions / weddings by

Leaving tradition behind on your wedding day allows you to plan a day that fits you as individuals and a couple. While traditions are wonderful… if they are meaningful for you and consistent with who you are, they can also cause stress and get in the way. Couples are choosing to keep those traditions they appreciate and letting go of those they don’t.

There are many wedding traditions you’ll want to thoughtfully consider before including them in your wedding day. I’ve written before about traditions related specifically to the ceremony, and you can find my thoughts on new options for wedding parties and modifying traditions when a parent is not at your wedding. There are, however, wedding traditions outside the actual ceremony that you will also want to evaluate.

For many practical reasons some couples are choosing to see each other for the first time before their ceremony. If you’re willing to break this tradition you can have a private “first look” moment and savor the beginning of your day together (and have it captured by your photographer, too). If you go this route wedding party and family pictures can also be taken before the ceremony, giving you more time to celebrate with your guests afterward.

Wedding receptions offer lots of traditions that are feeling more outdated with each passing year. The garter and bouquet toss rituals can be awkward for you and your guests, and can easily be left out of your reception schedule. The entire dance aspect of your reception can be replaced with a professional performance that fits your hobbies, culture, or wedding theme. A variety of games and activities can be offered for guests who choose to participate. And simply leaving time for conversation for the family and friends who may not often see each other can be very much appreciated.

You’ll find more tips from brides regarding things you do and do not need to do at your wedding here. You’re likely to have more fun and less stress if you remove or change traditions that you’re uncomfortable with. Leaving tradition behind when it doesn’t fit your personality or style is one more way to create a unique wedding day that truly reflects who you are.

Popping the Question – From Simple to Elaborate

 in Weddings  tagged proposal moment / proposals / wedding proposal / weddings by

Popping the question, also known as the proposal moment, is a memorable moment for most couples. Proposals range from incredibly elaborate to very romantic, to simply sweet reflecting the individuality of the person proposing and of the couple themselves. Over nearly a decade of working with couples I’ve heard hundreds of proposal stories, and can tell you that even when meticulously planned, they sometimes don’t go as planned.

Here are a few proposal stories that have been shared with me through the years, ranging in complexity from elaborate to non-existent:

1. A trip to Paris is always memorable, but add in a stop on an historic bridge near sunrise, with a photographer discretely capturing the scene. The prospective groom drops to one knee and offers a beautiful ring to his love. Her “Yes” completes the fairy tale moment, and it came off without a hitch.

2. The getaway weekend planned to a regional spot with plans for a specific moment and location for the proposal moment. Yet, when they arrived, the proposer couldn’t wait any longer, and popped the question as soon as they arrived. I’ve heard variations on this story many times and tend to agree that it’s more fun to spend the weekend celebrating together rather than being nervous while waiting for “the moment” to arrive.

3. A winter camping trip planned to enjoy the love of nature and camping that the couple shares. However, the weather didn’t cooperate with temperatures dropping into dangerous territory curtailing the weekend and leading to a shivering proposal on the hike back to warmth and civilization. Not exactly what was planned, but it certainly is a story that will be shared for years to come.

4. A simple, at home proposal, maybe with the assistance of beloved pets. These have happened in the kitchen while preparing dinner, in the living room while gaming, and even in the dark in the basement. Whatever makes sense for you makes for the perfect proposal moment.

5. And last but not least, not popping the question at all. For some couples there is a natural progression from “If I ever get married…”, to “If we ever get married…”, to “When we get married…” that kind of removes the need for an actual proposal moment. These couples often ring shop together and enjoy the non-proposal experience.

So if popping the question is in your future – either as the popper or the popee, know that there are all kinds of proposal moments, and that sometimes they don’t go as planned. The important thing is that you’ve found the right person to share your life with and you’ve decided to celebrate your commitment with marriage. As we enter the “engagement season” I offer encouragement to everyone popping the question around the holidays, and hope you experience the proposal moment that is perfect for you.

Feeling Pressure to Add Glitz and Glamour

 in Celebration / Ceremony / Personalization / Trends / Weddings  tagged simplify wedding / wedding ceremony / wedding favors / wedding runners / weddings by

If you are feeling pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day, you are not alone. Social media, wedding sites and Pinterest present pictures of over the top wedding ceremonies and celebrations that are putting pressure on couples to “one up” their friends. They encourage you to make the day a “one of a kind experience” and push all kinds of “things” to make this happen. You don’t have to fall into this trap, over extend your budget, and lose yourselves in the process.

Instead, I encourage you to take some time to reflect and talk with each other about what is really important to you about your day, and importantly, why? If you choose things that are authentically you for all aspects of your wedding day it will be personal, unique, meaningful and memorable.

Here are three examples of ways to simplify and resist feeling pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day:

1. Allow your guests to celebrate the pronouncement of your marriage and introduction at the end of your ceremony with a hearty round of applause (and cheers if they feel so inclined). Bubbles, bells, streamers on sticks, and the most recent one I saw – custom flower petal confetti that the guests create for themselves from a confetti bar – can be expensive and often go under utilized.

2. Eliminate runners – that strip of cloth (or these days, often paper) that is rolled down the aisle before the bride enters. Runners can be big business these days as companies offer custom versions with elaborate monograms, poems, graphics and more on expensive fabrics. Runners especially in outdoor ceremony settings, are a trip hazard, roll up in the breeze and are quickly stained with mud and grass. Embrace your outdoor venue and leave the runners behind.

3. Eliminate guest favors, or replace them with a donation to a meaningful cause. There is often tension as you work to identify special favors for your guests and manage the cost of such a large number of them. The engraved shot glasses, personalized drink cozies and ornaments are often left behind at the end of the reception. Save your time and money and make a real effort to speak personally with everyone who attends your wedding, and follow with thoughtful thank you notes for gifts you receive. Realize that wedding favors (beyond a traditional tulle wrapped handful of candied almonds or other cultural favor) only came into vogue in the last 25 years or so. If you feel you need to do something, take the money you would have spent on favors and make a donation to an organization that helps people. Let your guests know with a note on the dinner tables or in the ceremony program as part of a thank you statement.

When you avoid feeling the pressure to add glitz and glamour to your wedding day you reduce your stress, reduce your costs and save your energy for more important things. Your day will be unique because you are as a couple. You don’t need to be tied to traditions that don’t fit you or to expectations put on you by family, friends, and social media.

Expressing Gratitude: A Gracious Touch

 in Ceremony / Guests / Personalization / Weddings  tagged gratitude / wedding / wedding ceremony / weddings by

Expressing gratitude at your wedding is a gracious touch to a day normally focused exclusively on you as a couple. With the Thanksgiving holiday this week, it is a natural time to reflect on all the things we are grateful for in our lives. I invite you to consider highlighting some of that gratitude when gathering with your family and friends to celebrate at your wedding, too.

Here are just a few of the people you might want to recognize in your ceremony:

– The guests who have gathered to celebrate with you. Expressing gratitude to everyone for making the effort to be there in the opening moments of the ceremony will make them feel appreciated and a part of your day.

– Family members and friends who have passed or are not able to be with you due to illness, geography, or military service. These loved ones can be honored with a general statement, or by naming them, or by invoking a moment of silence in their memory. Alternately, a candle can be lit in their memory, a memorial note can be placed in your ceremony program, or pictures of them can be placed in a prominent location in either the ceremony space or reception venue.

– Expressing gratitude and appreciation for your parents can be included in your wedding ceremony or in toasts at your reception. You might consider what they have given you growing up – opportunities, love, and support as you grew into the person you are today. Or perhaps they have been very supportive of your relationship, or with planning your wedding day. You might even thank each others parents for raising the person who you love.

– If the people who introduced you are at your wedding, giving them a special nod or even a role in your ceremony can be a wonderful touch. I’ve had friends share a reading, and mentioned the maid of honor or groomsmen who introduced the couple. In one special ceremony, the relatives who introduced the couple were invited to participate in the sand ceremony, pouring the first layer of sand symbolizing the family foundation that the couple’s relationship is built on.

– And finally, you want to find a way to express your gratitude to your partner. If you’re writing your own vows, remember to mention the positive impact they have had on you, or how much you love them, or how wonderful it is to consider a future by their side. Otherwise, your toast at the reception is another good place to thank them and tell everyone what a wonderful person they are.

While the wedding day is all about you, expressing gratitude for the important people in your life is a thoughtful and gracious gesture. It demonstrates your appreciation of the fact that we walk through life surrounded and impacted by others, and that will be true throughout your marriage, too.

Ceremony Length: What is Too Short and Too Long?

 in Ceremony / Weddings  tagged ceremony length / ceremony too long / ceremony too short / wedding / wedding ceremony by

Selecting the right ceremony length for your wedding will ensure a significant, meaningful ceremony experience, and will keep the attention and interest of your guests at the same time. Finding the right balance between too short and too long is actually fairly easy to do when you have control over the content of your ceremony.

When you choose a customized wedding ceremony you are able to decide what elements you wish to include and can choose the target length of your ceremony, too. Readings, unity rituals, and even your vows can be selected with an awareness of length and complexity if you want to keep your ceremony on the shorter side. The Love Story segment (or homily or sermon) can easily be expanded or reduced as well.

So how short is too short and how long is too long when considering your ceremony length? This is a significant moment in your life and should not be rushed. You are making promises to each other that are meant to last a lifetime. And you’ve gathered your family and friends to share this moment with you. They may have traveled long distances and made significant efforts to share this moment with you. With all that said, I recommend that you not plan for a ceremony shorter than 15 minutes (and add a few more to allow for the entrance and exit of the parents and wedding party). Shorter than that is likely to leave everyone feeling that they blinked and missed the ceremony.

On the other end of the ceremony length spectrum, I recommend that you limit your ceremony to 30 minutes or less. No matter how interesting, creative and meaningful your ceremony is, after 30 minutes your guests are going to be getting restless, anxious to check their devices and ready to move on to the next part of your wedding day. Remember that if your ceremony is not bound by religious requirements, you’re not taking time with impersonal rituals or elements. The entire ceremony is focused on you, your love and the commitment you are making to each other, so you can cover a lot of ground in 30 minutes. Select a target ceremony length that gives you time to recognize this important moment in your life and you’ll have wonderful memories to look back on for years to come.